I dreamt that I shot myself.
I wasn't me, I was some other girl, and she was desperately unhappy. She didn't want to die, but she was caught up in her own stubbornness. No one believed she would do it, they weren't taking her seriously, and one boy challenged her by putting the gun in her hand. She was enraged. She waited until everyone was gone, then she counted quickly to 3 and put the gun in her mouth. She squeezed the trigger once and nothing happened, she squeezed it again right away, and that time she knew the bullet had gone through her neck.
At that moment in the dream, I became myself again.
I didn't feel any pain, or hear any noise, but I felt myself slip gently to the floor. There was no impact, it was just like passing out, or falling down when you're really drunk. I laid there on the floor and listened very closely to my heart beat. I didn't know how successful I had been, and I was hoping my heart would keep beating so I could live. At first I could hear it pounding, racing from the adrenaline. Then it started to slow. It skipped a few beats and I held my breath in anticipation for the next beat, hoping it would come. It didn't, but I reasoned perhaps it was because I was holding my breath. A man then came rushing into the room, called by the sound of the shot. He was trying to stop the bleeding, and I felt relieved because he had phoned for help and I knew my brother was coming. My brother is an EMT and I felt sure that he would be able to get my heart beating again. I felt sorry for all the people who would be disturbed by the sight of me. I couldn't speak, but in my mind I tried to tell the man fussing over me that it wasn't me who did this. It was that other girl who no one believed, and that she did it out of frustration. She didn't want to die either, she just wanted to be seen.
Everything started to get grey and I knew the black was coming. I didn't fight it because I knew my brother was on his way and I had absolute confidence in him. Everything was golden, soundless...
...then it went black.
3 comments:
Whoa! Intense! That is quite the dream...it reminds me of a dream I had when I was a kid. A classmate of mine shot me in the head, and I died. But then angels came down and ressurrected me. I woke up crying and scared out of my mind to live my life correctly and appreciated what Jehovah has given me.
:(
lol gooz! i had a dream once that i sinned horribly and when i woke up i didn't know that i hadn't done it and i was racked with searing emotional pain until i realized it was only a dream and i nearly floated out of bed with the delight of a clean conscience!
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